Feminism is supposed to be for all women, right?
I used to think so.
I have always been relatively gender-nonconforming, which made me the perfect vessel for feminist ideology. When I was younger, I didn't understand why most girls wanted to play with dolls or wear makeup. Femininity didn't seem practical, so I concluded that they were probably stupid or maybe brainwashed into thinking it was good for them.
The girls who confused me the most were the ones who dreamed about getting married, having kids, and staying home to raise them.
Didn't they realize that domesticity was a bad thing? It fed into the patriarchy and heteronormativity that kept women oppressed for centuries- at least, that was what I learned in school.
There was only one way of doing things: the way that aligned with my personality and goals. As the raging feminist of my school, my duty was to teach other girls feminist theory and save them from their oppressed state of femininity.
I had what I would now call a "feminist savior complex."
I looked down on women who made different choices and saw myself as the all-knowing determiner of how women should act and think. I thought I knew what was best for everyone because it was what was best for me.
Thankfully, as I've gotten older, I have grown out of this mindset- primarily by meeting other women and listening to the logic behind their decisions.
I have met women who decided to get married young and live a traditionally domestic life. In contrast, others wanted a career and forewent motherhood or attempted a work-life balance as full-time working moms. These women did what they saw as best for themselves and their families.
Still, some feminists feel insulted at the idea that a woman would ever want to rely on her husband for support. They see these more domestic women as "brainwashed," "enslaved," and "infantile" for their choices. They can't imagine a woman would ever do these things willingly, so her husband must be forcing her into servitude.
Their solution? Pressure women into lifestyle choices that align with feminist goals. These feminists see themselves as saviors- rescuing women from their own free will.
To be fair, many who believe in this ideology legitimately think all women are oppressed and have no choices in their lives other than to be housewives. However, this is not true.
Women have choices.
Not only are women legally allowed to have careers, but women make up nearly 50% of the workforce in the United States.
So why believe this lie that most women are forced to stay home with their kids? Why not acknowledge that women live according to their unique wants and needs? Why ignore all progress that gives women the options we have today?
Although many feminists like to talk about choice, they only approve of women whose goals align with their own.
I think many gender-nonconforming women embrace the idea that women must be brainwashed into their lifestyles because they want validation to feel secure in their own decisions.
Being different is not easy. Finding community and support can be difficult when you go against the grain. I sometimes struggle with this myself. However, the solution is not to tear other women down but to embrace what makes you unique despite what other people decide to do with their lives.
Modern feminists must tackle their own "feminist savior complex" and start seeing women as individuals rather than a monolith or pawns for their agendas.
Don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean we blindly support everything every woman chooses to do- just acknowledge that every woman's situation is different. There isn't a one size fits all template.
We need to focus less on governing women's actions and encourage women to make the best decisions for themselves and their families. Support women in leaving unhealthy relationships and finding committed and honest partners. Inspire women to make the best financial decisions to achieve their goals for themselves and their families. Motivate women to quit their destructive addictions and build healthier habits. Uplift women who want to stay at home if that is best for their children.
If modern feminists continue to push their ideas of how a woman should act as the ultimate end goal for all women, they are just as bad as men who do the same.
How many high school graduates can explain what Net Worth is?
If accounting/finance had been mandatory in the schools since Sputnik what would the economy be like by now? Isn't men going into debt for useless variations in crappy cars to pick up women sexist also?
Notice that our capitalist economists do not report the annual depreciation of the crapmobiles.